where to go from here

I'm laying in bed in this hotel room listening to my family snoring around me. I just finished reading Twilight and I can't settle my thoughts.

Wednesday someone else at work was let go. She has the same hire date as me and no more or less training or skill than me. We were equals. She is a good person. Perhaps one of my favorite people to work with. And they just let her go. We knew it was coming; we've talked about it. Except now I'm afraid to go back to work. As much as I know its coming, I've still never been fired before or let go or whatever. My family will be without insurance for the first time ever. And for the first time in my life, I won't be able to provide that for them. Lily will get help through chip, but Derick and I probably won't qualify because you have to be practically homeless to receive medical help. That's fine, however we can't afford to pay cobra especially when the insurance is shit to begin with.

We've stopped going to therapy because after 2 months we found out its not covered and we owe them upwards of $600. But we got a lot out of it. Really a lot. We can't afford to take this vacation but our relationship can't affor not to. We are like different people. We even look better! No stress or worry or tension. Just us and our beautiful daughter.

So you may ask why I'm up so late blogging from my blackberry while everyone is asleep. I'm at a turning point I think and I don't know wher to go from here. Head down the path of familiarity and comfort or take my family for a wild ride of deffinate uncertainty. I'm sure that the latter will pay off better in the end but the other is so...comfortable.