...if I can't help myself?
A very close friend was upset with me. In my need to make everything right I hounded her. That's what I do, you see, when someone is upset with me. I get all anxious and beside myself.
She said that she feels like she can't talk to me. Her boyfriend just broke up with her and we talked, but we didn't really talk. I didn't know what to say besides some smart ass comments about why she is better off without him and how he doesn't know how what he had. You know, the bullshit that girlfriends say when they need to up their friends spirits. Apparently that was the wrong thing.
She said that she feels like I have so much of my own shit going on in my head that I don't have room for hers so she just doesn't say it. I asked Derick. He said the same thing. When I talked to my mom a few hours later, she agreed. I'm sure a few of you can attest that I've been the same way. You send emails and I don't reply. It's not that I don't care or don't think of you or whatever it is...I just get bogged down with my shit.
It's all I can do to get myself through the day.
I don't know how to help myself. I don't know how to get through this or past this or whatever it is that I need to do. I've missed out on my life in the last 4 years and I'll never be able to get that back. Instead of enjoying life as newlyweds, I spent all my energy trying to conceive. Instead of enjoying my life with my infant, I spent all my energy worrying about what she was or wasn't doing. Instead of spending time with my friends, I closed myself off. I'm sorry for that. Truly, truly sorry.
I don't know what else to say to my friend. Derick just accepted it as how it was. My mom as well. But my friend, she hasn't. She is the one, the only one IRL (other than Lisa a fellow dbm), that talks about my sons. How can I push her away?
I don't know what to do to make it better. But I'm going to. I have to. I can't close myself off forever.
Here's what I do, just let her talk, let her go on about everything, and respond with something about what she just said so she knows you're listening but try not to do the platitudes of "you're better off.." sometimes the person just needs to know someone is listening, they don't always need reasoning just a shoulder to cry on. Though, I don't know her, so I might be way off. I hope you can repair the friendship. Sometimes we get lost in our own issues and forget about others. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI think we all fall into ruts and it's easy to let it connsume us. But if you two are true friends (and it seems like you are) then you can repair this. Like Azaera said, just be there for her and listen.
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