Time to cool

I've had some time to cool down from my last post. I'll admit that I haven't cooled much. Derick asked me to remove her from FB so I did. I feel good about it. He was tired of seeing me so angry and so hurt. I wish I could get over this bitterness. I hate living my life like this. I just don't know how to do it. A friend suggested prayer. So I tried it. I'm also hoping to get back to journaling. You know, in a place that people don't read it. How did I get to be this person?

I'm not angry with Derick's cousin. I'm not angry with her son, N, or her soon-to-be baby. I'm angry because I don't have that. I may never have it. And that sucks. It hurts. I want to be pregnant. I want to be able to carry a baby. I want to just throw caution to the wind and be completely irresponsible for once. But I can't. Life isn't that simple for us.

In other news, I'm walking for the March of Dimes this year again. If you'd like to make a donation you can email me and I will send you the contact info. I understand money is tight right now for everyone. For the first time since Dylan was born I'm strapped and unsure of how much I will be able to donate. Next year, however, I'm organizing a Tricky Tray to benefit the March of Dimes and all proceeds are going towards team Loving Lily. It's a lot of work, but exciting because I know it's going towards a good cause. If anyone is interested or if they think their employers would be interested in donating something it's going towards a wonderful cause. The even it scheduled for April of 2011. So far we've contacted over 200 companies and have heard back from quite a few that they will be donating. You can donate items, gift cards, monitary donations...even things like paper plates, hot dogs, chips, baked goods for a bake sale...you name it! We need much more than just prizes. I'm trying to reach out to every single person in my network and hope that they will reach out to people in their network. Sometimes all it takes is someone who knows someone. Again, you can email me at cinderella20032@aol.com. Thank you in advance!

That's what's new with me. How about you?