Long time no blog...

Wow, I can't believe it's been this long since I blogged (I almost wrote blobbed!). Many things have been taking up my time lately, and to be quiet honest...I haven't had the urge to blog.

So...where did I leave off?

Ah, yes. The fluid.

The week after finding out about the fluid in the ears, we headed down to Florida for a much needed visit with Mickey. We had a great time. It was stressful and tiring, and Derick and I argued a lot, but overall we had a good time. Miss Lily was enthralled with Minnie Mouse. Derick bought her a stuffed Minnie after she gave the stuffed Mickey a dirty look. She hugged it and held it while we shopped. Then, when the tears started to flow and it was getting to my high anxiety level, we left and went back to our room for the evening. Derick was great. He was patient with me and loving and we really talked about Dylan. It was almost cathartic, in a way. Everything there was him. Dylan was alive in Florida and that was very difficult for me. After we finished shopping the first night, Lily and I fell asleep in the car and when we awoke, Derick had taken us to our favorite cafe in the town of Celebration. Where we were married, in fact. It was very special to bring Lily there of all places. Later in the week Derick wanted to drive by our old house. Much to my dismay (I was afraid it would bring bad feelings) we did, and it was for sale! How ironic?! We joked about buying it again, but both agreed that we didn't want to go back there (regardless of how tempting it was!).

We came home late on Friday night and prepared for the ENT on Monday.

What a joke. We went in, and after a struggle with referrals, we were called back to see him. The staff was rude. The doctor came in, tried to look into her ears, and told us that he wanted to wait 2 months to decide on a course of treatment. Then he escorted us to meet the audiologist who tried many times to get some testing done on Lily's ears. She failed the hearing test in her left ear and her right ear passed but it was only a pass-fail test. We don't know how well she can hear in her right ear because she also failed the fluid test. Fluid, still, in both ears. He wants to wait? Seriously. She's deaf in one ear, her speech is 50% delayed, and presumably she isn't walking because her equalibrium is off. So we're going to wait. 2 months. Which doesn't sound like a long time, but to a baby who learns something new each day it's a very long time. She'll be 18 months old by then and that much more delayed.

After visiting with the audiologist I asked to see the doctor again. I wanted to see what he thought after he heard this news. No change. See you in 2 months. I was so mad that I walked out. I didn't want to hear anymore and I just left. He is not the doctor for my Lily. When I got home, I called another doctor (there are only 3 ped. ENT's in our area with her insurance) who would only take her at his clinic. Remember she has medicaid now. They couldn't get us in until Feb. 11th but the suggested calling the doctor to see if they could get us in sooner. So I called her ped, they put a call in, and the office called me back. She asked which insurance Lily had, I told her, and she said very sternly We can't help you HERE. After she said it over and over again, I was angry and offered to pay for it out of pocket. That, apparently, offended her because she got louder and said, WE CAN'T HELP YOU HERE! and hung up on me. Yikes. He's the best ENT around!

After many tears and commisery from family and friends, we decided that our hands are tied and we'd just wait. I looked into private insurance for individuals but all had a pre-existing condition clause and I didn't think we'd qualify.

Until...work offered Derick a full time position! Full time position = Insurance!!! Yay! He starts on Sunday. I'm so incredibly proud of him. He worked his ass off for that spot. Literally putting in 60-70 hour work weeks. He also gets 4 weeks of vacation right off the bat, but you know...that's neither here nor there : )

I'm pretty happy despite the time of year. Usually by now I've crawled into a hole and have refused to come out. Usually I scowl at families in the mall. Today I picked a little boy off of the angel tree who ONLY wants a car seat for Christmas. Seriously. Lily has 3 car seats and not cheap ones either. I picked his name and excitedly thought of the little boy clothes that I can buy this year.

My mom mentioned, on the way home from the angel tree, that she has been thinking about the boys so much lately. I almost choked. She very, very rarely brings them up in this way. It took me by suprise actually. She said that sometimes when she watches Lily closely she is sure that she sees them right there with her. And you know the crazy part, sometimes when I look closely I see them too.