All in one post!

I have a lot of things to say so I'm going to write them all in one post.



First, please visit Erica (this should work now) and lend your support or prayers...or whatever you believe in. She needs it more now than ever.



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Now that you're back...



Mother's Day was really hard for me this year, and I suspect that it will be hard for the next couple years. I think that it hit me so hard because last year I completely denied everything about the day. I was pregnant, I didn't want it to be Mother's Day or Dylan's birthday so I ignored it. And it came back this year with avengence. I cried a lot this past weekend. Derick gave me beautiful pictures of him and Lily which I adored, but my MIL decided that she would take the opportunity to get a picture taken with her children and Lily. Needless to say, it made me feel like it was her Mother's Day gift and not only that, I wasn't included in the photo. In hindsight he should have given me Lily's pictures seperately. But his intent was good, and I love him for that. He tried so hard to make the day ok for me. It just made me feel like crap. Plus, they weren't cheap and I don't know for sure that she paid for her pictures. Which makes me even more mad because if she wanted them done, she should have paid for them. And, in which case, it would have been her Mother's Day present and really not mine. About 80% of the pictures were her family. Anyway, rant over...but it was a crappy day. I didn't want to get out of bed, have brunch, or even open my cards. I had waited so long to celebrate the day with a real, live baby that it didn't even feel real. I spent a lot of time cuddeling with Lily (or as much as she would let me) and I loved that. Derick even helped her 'write' out my card. So sweet. But I just couldn't be complete.



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We spent Dylan's Birthday nicely. We went to the cemetary and sang Happy Birthday. Lily smiled the entire time we were singing. She let the balloons go, and we watched them float away. It was peaceful.



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My SIL's baby shower is Sunday. I had intended to take Lily because Derick has his EMT Local test this weekend, but on Monday her sister (who's helping host the shower) emailed me and said that it would upset SIL if Lily came to the shower. She said that the day is for SIL and baby and it wasn't the place for Lily because it would upset everyone if she came.



Imagine my devestation. My daughter wasn't welcome at her aunt's baby shower. That just doesn't happen in my family. It turns out that it's an 'Adult Only Baby Shower' and no one bothered to tell me. I get that they didn't want 15 little kids running around. I get that other people wanted to bring their kids. But Lily is her niece! Lily is her Goddaughter! I emailed my brother and I explained that I was hurt. But not only was I hurt, I felt for the first time lik SIL didn't really want to be a part of Lily's life. If she didn't want Lily at the shower, and it would upset her, then why would I bother? I also told him that I feel like they treat us like the looser part of the family. But in reality, everything that is important to SIL (i.e. big house, nice jewlery, fancy vacations, and new cars) wasn't important to us. The only thing that is important to us is our family, and that includes them. I also explained that for the very first time I felt like she didn't consider me to be a sister and it was almost as though she didn't need another sister. I went on to explain that when I found out the baby was a girl, I invisioned sleep over's, make-up, giggling well after midnight, and doing things that her parents would rather she didn't (within reason of course!). But you know, that's not going to happen. I'm not going to have that relationship with her and that makes me incredibly sad.

Needless to say, I'm still going to the shower but because I have to for my brother and for the baby.

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I'm working on Lily's first birthday party already! I can't believe it. I ordered this Ladybug set and I can't wait! It's going to be so cute. We have about 65 people on the guest list so it's not going to be a small feat. But I'm excited, and it gives me something to look forward to and plan for.

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So, what's new with you? I've been reading your blogs, but haven't had much time to comment. Leave me a comment, and I'll be sure to stop over!