Do you take it badly when someone you know looses their baby? I do.
At work there were 4 people pregnant. One girl gave birth to a healthy baby girl, another is due in May with a little boy, and two were do in August. Both of the girls due in August lost their babies this past week. I just want to cry for them but I'm at work and I can't.
I feel so badly for them. For both it was their second miscarriage. I talk with them about how difficult it is to be pregnant again, we commiserate together, and we can say things to one another that no one else would understand. It's a morbid sisterhood. But it's easier for them and that's all that matters.
We just heard of the second loss today at 12 weeks. I'm devestated, and yet the people around us I hear whispering, "Look at (point fingers in my direction). She went through hell and now the baby is here. Miracles happen." I pretend not to notice that they are talking about me. I keep to myself with my eyes on my computer. But I hear it, and I don't want them to compare their losses to mine. They were not the same. My losses were because of my cervix. Their losses were due to some sort of devestating glitch in nature. I don't want them to tell these girls to have faith, because look at Becky. I don't want them to compare them to me. I hated it when people said that to me, and I don't want them to hear that about me. Yes, we are extremely fortunate to have Lily in our lives but that doesn't make it any less painful. Someone actually said to one girl, "So was that some freak of nature? Or does it happen often?" Excuse me?! That's horrible!!
So what do you think I should do? Other than open myself up for conversations?
What should you do about the people with the inappropriate comments or what should you do about helping these women?
ReplyDeleteFor those dumb ass people who just don't get it, tell them kindly that everybody is different and unless theyhave something nice to say don't say anything at all, unless they want to run their comments by you first for approval :-)
FOr those women, all you can do is offer your shoulder and an open ear. Tell them you know the pain of losing a child and you're there for them when they need you. That's really all you can do. They'll open up when they're ready.
My heart goes out to them.