We're heading on a jet plane..

We're going to Disney World!

It's bittersweet for us. As excited as we are, it holds a lot of special memories for us.

When I was pregnant with Dylan I worked there in the reservation center. My sciatica was so bad that I couldn't sit still for long periods of time so Derick and I would use our free tickets and walk around Disney World. We'd shop, and talk about all the fun we'd have when the baby finally arrived. We stroller stalked. We watched other parents and make comments like, " Thats one thing I'll NEVER do!" Then we'd eat, usually at a buffet (I was pregnant, remember!) and we'd head on home. We did this day after day, week after week. We had the same two days off and we'd go and do the same things and eat at the same places.

When we left, still pregnant, we promised each other that the next time we'd be back would be with our children.

Well, we all know how that turned out...

Before I found out I was pregnant with Riley, we had to go and get some of our stuff out of storage. I desperately wanted to go back, but Derick reminded me of the promise that we'd made. So when I was pregnant with him, you can imagine what I thought! And then...blah.

So now we've made it. I know Lily won't remember anything and it's not worth it and all of that stuff. But it's special to us. It feels like we've conquered something...as weird as that sounds.

I'm nervous. You know that thing we do after we've lost our baby that goes something like, the last time I was here I was pregnant...the last time I ate this the baby was still alive...the last time I said or did this everything was ok and my life was complete... It took me a long time to get over that and there are still things that I don't do or don't eat just because I go back there. So I kind of feel like I'm doing this to myself. The last time I was there Dylan was alive. The last time I was there I was blissful and utterly happy. I'm happy now, but you know, different. I'll never be the person that I was there again.

Do you think it's weird for me to be worried about this stuff? Ugh, it's going to be a looong time until November comes. I'm sure I'll freak out just a little before then too about it all.

Regardless, I'm excited. I keep telling Lily that we're going to Mickey's House and she's excited because I'm excited. I'm totally not going to buy her the Princess dress though. Totally not. Who am I kidding? She's going to be all decked out and we'll have pictures of her dressed like Cinderella, me with a big goofy grin on my face, and Derick all mad because I spent $200 on a princess ensamble that she'll grow out of soon enough. Priceless!