I'm writing

I'm writing. I don't know who I'm writing to or what I'm saying, but I'm writing. It's slow progress, and maybe the only people that read will be Derick. But nonetheless, I'm doing it.

It's always been a dream of mine to write professionally. Not as a journalist, but as an author. In high school countless teachers remarked how passionate I was when I wrote. One English teacher, in particular, remarked that he'd see my name in print someday. He was the one that taught me to write about what I know. He pushed me and took me to college after college to poetry and to write essay's. He was an amazing teacher and one that I owe a lot of who I am too. He had 'rules' for life. Work smart, he'd say, not hard. Well...unfortunately, in high school I did neither. I was concerned with my friends and my boyfriend and going out and drinking more than I should have. It certainly wasn't on school. In hindsight, I'd put more effort and get into a great school instead of hearing how wonderful community college was!

Anyhow, I write a lot. Often, even. Outside of this blog that I have trouble keeping up with now. Except I stopped. I became a wife and a mother and I stopped being Becky. I lost Becky somewhere inbetween being Derick's wife, Lily's mother, and that poor woman that can't carry a baby. I was stuck being a newlywed, grieving mother, depressed and hopeless, NICU parent, and then finally Lily's mother. All in the span of 3 short years. I miss Becky.

So, I'm writing and this I'm going to finish. I'm writing what I know. I know life. I know what it's like to love and loose so much. I know what it's like to be in despair so deep that you feel like you might never get out. And, I think, this is something that I need to write more than people need to read.

Has the loss of your children made it easier for you to get back to what you are/were passionate about? If you could do something, anything, that you are passionate about in honor of your children...what would that be?