Not such a great week...

Monday I lost my job.

I went into work, happy and recharged from the weekend, and before I could put my stuff down my boss called me into another office. When I walked in there was another team leader there. My first thought, "Oh shit. This isn't good."

Let me preface everything by saying that my job performance has suffered since Lily was diagnosed with her 'developlmental delay.' I've spent most of my time worried about her, wondering what she's doing at home, wondering what Derick is doing to stimulate her, researching things that have come up, and looking forward to the next doctors appointment. It's natural, I guess, but that part was indeed my fault. By the time it was brought up, it was to far from being repared and even though I did everything I could to bring it back to where it was, it was to late. There were phrases passed like, "I'm worried about you, Becky. This isn't like you." and "I know you have a lot going on at home, but please try to seperate the two." But I couldn't...it was to difficult for me. And on top of it all, because of their cost savings, I had shitty insurance to work with and I'd been struggling to get doctors bills paid. I knew it was a matter of time.

Anyway, on Monday they informed me that they thought it would be best if they seperate me from the company. I've never been let go before. I feel ashamed and I wish I could go back, but I know that I can't. The strange thing, though, is that I don't feel as sad as I would expect. There are good things that come out of it too. The first being that I can spend a lot more time with Lily. Just being home this week she's nearly crawling. She's so close that it's going to happen this week! The second good thing is that now I have an excuse to go back to school. It's been so long since I've thought about me that I don't even know what I have to do to get there. I have some idea, but you know, it's not something that I've thought about in a long time. I want a degree in Social Work. I want to work for an Adoption Agency or something similar. I want to know that there are good things that still happen and I want to show people that. Good things do happen to good people. I want to see, firsthand, faith restored in people.

So I don't know what to do from here...but I do know that I'm headed on the right track. And although things didn't work out the way that I had hoped, it really is for the best.