So after re-reading last nights post, I was in some frame of mind. Monica was totally right. It was my insecurities and anxiety talking. I got into it with my mom last night, had a fight with Derick, Lily is sick and I was worried that she had H1.N1, and I was stressed out. Which she doesn't, by the way, just a nasty virus and an ear infection.
After Derick woke up this afternoon after working all night, he politely said that he thinks I might need to start taking my anxiety/AD meds again. Probably not a bad idea, especially until I'm less stressed. Yikes...if it's not one thing its another.
Life has been so turned around in weird ways. We had a new baby to Derick being a stay at home dad while I was the breadwinner. Just as we got used to that, Derick became the breadwinner and now I'm staying at home. It's been all over the place except where it should be. Which, I guess, is where it is. I try so hard not to complain or let things get to me. Then they build up and build up and I explode like last night.
My poor husband has to put up with me this way. I was once an assertive, confident, secure woman. Now I'm this mess. A big, giant, fucked up mess.
I'm sorry you're not in a very good place right now hun. I remember feeling much the same way in the past when I was stuck at home doing all the housework and chores. I am just not a housework kind of girl. It made me crazy and depressed being stuck at home all day doing nothing but chores. I go stir crazy if I am cooped up. And I can imagine I would go nuts if I was stuck at home all day long with the baby. No offense to my son, I love him to bits and pieces, but I love coming home from work and seeing him again after a few hours away.
ReplyDeleteDerrick is probably stressed too, but in a different way. Maybe he could find the time to watch Lily while you take a break and get out of the house for a bit. It might help. *hugs*
Glad things are a tad bit better today ar at least your mind a little clearer.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, if it's not one things it's another.
I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. I really am. Sending love thru the net and hoping the anxiety will ease xxx
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