Therapy

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Derick and I started therapy. We have some issues. Small, in comparison to some, but they have the potential to get out of control and wreck havoc in our home. We see her once a week and Derick says that he feels so comfortable with her that he feels like he's talking to me.

Last Wednesday was our second session. We got scared when we both admitted that if we had not saught help, we might not be together down the road. Anyway, she had to do an assessment of me for the insurance company because I'm the provider. She asked many questions. Have you experienced any trauma in your life? Do you ever cry for no reason? Have you ever suffered from depression? Have you ever experienced a lack of energy or will to get up in the morning? Does your mental state ever affect your job performance? Do you have trouble sleeping at night? Has your appetite changed? Do you have any irrational fears or phobias? Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes! She continued writing as I spoke.

Well I lost two boys. They were stillborn in 2006. That was traumatic. What do you mean by crying for no reason? Yes, I have trouble sleeping. I've gained upwards of 60lbs in the last 3 years...would you consider that a change in appetite? I've been diagnosed with PPD, twice. I have an irrational fear that something terrible will happen to Lily or Derick. Sometimes I imagine that I'm going to get carjacked and Lily will be stuck in the backseat. I'm afraid Derick will leave me. Really afraid. No, I have no reason to think that. I lack energy. I'm not sure if it's because of the aforementioned 60lbs or because of something else. I call out sick sometimes because I make myself sick with nerves or anxiety or worry. I think it's the self blame.

Apparently it was the self blame that did it. She needed more paper.

She gently explained that she thought it would be in our best interest to split our sessions and come together as a couple when we needed it. So we have back to back appointments on Wednesday mornings from now until we get things worked out. That could be a while. Luckily it only costs us $6 a session.

Derick is ok with it. He understands that we each have our own set of issues that are impacting the issues we have as a couple. He explained to her that he doesn't know how to help me anymore. So it's good that we will see her seperately. I need it. We need it, together.

We'll make it, I know it. We're under a tremendous amount of stress, but we'll be ok. We always are.